Here’s what an idiot I am:

My monthly SJ-R column ran today, Mother’s Day. Did I use the opportunity to thank my mother for all she did in raising ten kids, and all that she continues to do today? Did I look into my heart and express the words that describe what the mother of my children means to me? No, I wrote about bird poop. Bird poop!

In my limited and ultimately failing defense, I was ignorant of the fact that my column would appear in today’s newspaper. It wasn’t that my editor failed to tell me, I just didn’t think to do the math and figure out that Mother’s Day would fall on the second Sunday of the month, my usual publishing date. So instead of a tribute to the all of the mothers in the community, I wrote about how much it sucks to have to hose bird dung off my car in the mornings.

I guarantee you that Julie Kaiser wouldn’t have written about avian defecation patterns on Mother’s Day. She’s not an unsentimental twit. My only consolation is that Dave Bakke didn’t write about mothers either, although even his story about a 37-year-old doughnut ultimately told an unlikely tale of friendship and good-hearted hi-jinks.

Perhaps it’s time that I abdicate my monthly column so that someone with at least a shred of graciousness can do right by readers by writing about things that they matter in their lives.

Shame on me.

UPDATE

The high-winds and rain are probably some kind of cosmic comeuppance for my writing about scatological matters on Mother’s Day. Sorry.

Political pandering is an insult to our intellect, but  unfortunately, too many of us let our emotions cloud our judgment and leave us susceptible to falling for empty promises and half-baked plans.

Take the proposed temporary federal gas tax repeal, please. Both Clinton and McCain are using this to curry favor with put-upon gas pumpers. Only Obama has been honest enough to admit that such a plan is a fool’s errand that won’t guarantee lower gas prices, but will guarantee less money to build and maintain roads. I’m sure that Obama’s team figured out how to position him on this issue to maximum political capital, but he gets credit for both being correct and for appealing to sober voters.

I was less impressed with his response to Tim Russert’s question about the country’s ethanol policy, which Obama eventually admitted may need to be reworked, but only after he listed several other problems that are causing high fuel prices. He wasn’t wrong about these other problems, but the question was about ethanol and he hedged a bit too much in deference to those farmers and their damn subsidies.  Obama also didn’t address the direct effect ethanol is having on beer prices and thus neglected to appeal to non-sober voters.

I’m all for alternative fuels and believe that once the incentive is great enough, someone will develop one that is both cheaper and more environmentally friendly than what we’re currently filling-up with, but ethanol doesn’t seem to be that alternative.

So will Obama’s common sense approach and respect for the voters’ intelligence on this issue propel him to the presidency? At this point, we don’t know.

When last I wrote about presidential politics, I was of the opinion that it was the Democrats office to lose and that Clinton would be the one not to lose it. Now, not only does it looks like she has lost it, but it doesn’t appear that the Democratic candidate will taking the cake walk to the White House that many of us expected after two terms of Bush. I think much of McCain’s current appeal among moderates and independents is a direct result of the damage that Clinton and Obama are inflicting upon each other. That will likely change in the fall, but I wouldn’t be completely shocked if McCain won, something that would have shocked me a good piece six months ago.

I’ve read some interesting analysis on this race that suggests that either Democratic candidate would be better off not winning the nomination. The thinking goes that McCain would beat either one and that the one that doesn’t lose in the general election will live to run again. Party people don’t like to give a second chance to nominees that fail them in November. That last part is probably true, although I don’t think that a McCain victory is inevitable.

Now for the audience participation part of this blog: Putting your preferences aside, if you were going to place a bet on the outcome of the presidential election, who would you lay your money on? Clinton’s already been compared to Eight Belles. So who’s Big Brown?**

*this title is meant to demonstrate how difficult it can be to write witty or meaningful titles

**no racial overtones should be read into this metaphor.

My latest legitimate piece of journalism, unlike what I spew out here, is a Heartland magazine piece on humzOo co-founder and local artist, Dave Heinzel. Don’t know what humzOo is? Or who Dave Heinzel is? Well, read the article already!

You know what I hate? When spammers put a RE: in the subject line, as if I’m going to think that it’s a response to something I sent them.

Hmmm, I must have contacted you about taking “bluepills when travveling!” and now you’re getting back to me. I guess I’d forgotten. Better read your email to see how my advice worked out for you.

Last week while driving to work, I witnessed a scene that was both comic and heart-warming, but ultimately troubling.

A woman was running for a bus that was parked along Durkin Drive. Then she tripped and fell in slapstick fashion, spilling her belongings on the ground. That was the comic part. You would have thought so too, especially since she fell on a lush bed of grass and it was obvious that she wasn’t hurt.

Now, the heart-warming part. As soon as she hit the ground, the driver shot out of the bus and ran to her assistance, helping her gather her things and then walking with her to the bus. It was a nice gesture, but somewhat unexpected. And that’s what is so troubling to me.

Why was I surprised that the bus driver showed concern and acted on that concern by coming to the aid of a patron? To be honest, I wouldn’t have been totally surprised if he had pulled away as she was brushing the grass from her knees, snickering away as he watched her in the rearview mirror.

I don’t think that I’m prejudiced against bus drivers and think that their kind is incapable of kindness. I think that I’ve just come not to expect exemplary behavior from my fellow man. And that’s my fault.

I believe I’ve told this story before, but it bears repeating.

One fine afternoon, when our twins were younger, I was pushing them in their double-wide stroller through the parking lot at the mall. Walking ahead of me were two young men decked out in what might be described as Original G attire, i.e., their pants were falling down and their hats were set to a rakish tilt. I didn’t think they even noticed I was behind them and so was doubly surprised when, as we approached the entrance, one of them turned around and saw me, then stood aside while holding the door open as I passed through.

I say doubly surprised because I didn’t expect gentlemen of their ilk to be outwardly courteous to strangers. I had judged them by their attire, and my presumption was wrong.

So I suppose the thing to do is to have a little more faith in my fellow man. To believe, because it’s true, that most people are good at heart and wish to do well by others. To take time out to join hands and sing in perfect harmony. Kumbaya, anyone?

How I aspire to be, free of negative thoughts. Or any thoughts for that matter. No need to think, Coke will tell us what to do.

One more part of the bus driver story. When I got to work, I went on to the SMTD’s Web site to log a compliment, because it was the right thing to do. I indentified the street and time so that officials would know who the driver was. I’m a little disappointed, however, that I didn’t receive a reply. I was expecting a brief thank you and an assurance that the heroic driver would be recognized for his good deed. That’s just good PR and good manners, something that, sadly, I’ve come not to expect.

People are such jerks.