Last week while driving to work, I witnessed a scene that was both comic and heart-warming, but ultimately troubling.
A woman was running for a bus that was parked along Durkin Drive. Then she tripped and fell in slapstick fashion, spilling her belongings on the ground. That was the comic part. You would have thought so too, especially since she fell on a lush bed of grass and it was obvious that she wasn’t hurt.
Now, the heart-warming part. As soon as she hit the ground, the driver shot out of the bus and ran to her assistance, helping her gather her things and then walking with her to the bus. It was a nice gesture, but somewhat unexpected. And that’s what is so troubling to me.
Why was I surprised that the bus driver showed concern and acted on that concern by coming to the aid of a patron? To be honest, I wouldn’t have been totally surprised if he had pulled away as she was brushing the grass from her knees, snickering away as he watched her in the rearview mirror.
I don’t think that I’m prejudiced against bus drivers and think that their kind is incapable of kindness. I think that I’ve just come not to expect exemplary behavior from my fellow man. And that’s my fault.
I believe I’ve told this story before, but it bears repeating.
One fine afternoon, when our twins were younger, I was pushing them in their double-wide stroller through the parking lot at the mall. Walking ahead of me were two young men decked out in what might be described as Original G attire, i.e., their pants were falling down and their hats were set to a rakish tilt. I didn’t think they even noticed I was behind them and so was doubly surprised when, as we approached the entrance, one of them turned around and saw me, then stood aside while holding the door open as I passed through.
I say doubly surprised because I didn’t expect gentlemen of their ilk to be outwardly courteous to strangers. I had judged them by their attire, and my presumption was wrong.
So I suppose the thing to do is to have a little more faith in my fellow man. To believe, because it’s true, that most people are good at heart and wish to do well by others. To take time out to join hands and sing in perfect harmony. Kumbaya, anyone?
How I aspire to be, free of negative thoughts. Or any thoughts for that matter. No need to think, Coke will tell us what to do.
One more part of the bus driver story. When I got to work, I went on to the SMTD’s Web site to log a compliment, because it was the right thing to do. I indentified the street and time so that officials would know who the driver was. I’m a little disappointed, however, that I didn’t receive a reply. I was expecting a brief thank you and an assurance that the heroic driver would be recognized for his good deed. That’s just good PR and good manners, something that, sadly, I’ve come not to expect.
People are such jerks.
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I don’t think you are wrong to have pre-judged the two baggy-pant nitwits. Just because they surprised you with one act of courteous behavior doesn’t mean that later on in the mall they were saying filthy things to a 13 year old girl or stealing money from a 6 year old. In most cases you are what you look like you are. How many of the “students of the week” do you think wear their clothes like that? Maybe a couple a year?
When I go to the hardware store on the weekends, unshaved, and wearing ratty work clothes, I fully expect that store security will follow me around. And they should! I look like I might be a criminal.
Regardless what a person looks like I agree with giving everybody the opportunity to act civil before I decide what my actions will be. However, I will always make an assumption of what I expect from them based on their appearance, and most of the time I will be correct in my assumption.
So my message to you Dan is that if you feel bad that you prepared in your mind to deal with two dirtbags while in the company of your loved ones. Don’t. That is what a good father will always do. I liken it to defensive driving. When you recognize a dangerous situation or intersection you slow down and cover your brake. In my opinion, that is what you did in your mind when you saw those two kids.
M.B. | Apr 29, 2008 | Reply
In other words, MB, dress for success. In today’s competitive society, appearance does matter. I too will go without shaving for a few days and I like to wear ratty old sweatshirts when running errands. Not that I look like a pedophile but I wouldnt blame someone for looking twice at me.
We have had millions of years of evolution to subconsciously detect danger. Right or wrong, it is there. I am sure there are other “radars” that we have embedded into us as well, but I wont go there. Not that there is anything wrong with it.
RickMonday | Apr 29, 2008 | Reply
MB,
You’re like Jesus.
Dan
Dan | Apr 29, 2008 | Reply
Looks like we are in the presence of a bunch of stereotyping, profiling, extremist, closed-minded neo-cons here? What ever to happened to all of the bleeding-hearts? Why can’t we all just get along…..just because I like to wear my trousers below my a$$ cheeks……
I was always taught to never judge a book by it’s cover……..but experience over the years has taught me that my first inclination is usually the correct one. If it looks like s**t and smells like s**t…..there’s a pretty good chance that it is s**t.
Chaz | Apr 29, 2008 | Reply
Wow, I expected a war. I got nothing.
Dan,
I agree, except without all the holes in my feet and hands. Now go in peace to love and save the world.
M.B. | Apr 29, 2008 | Reply
Chaz, I am not sure how to read your post. So, sorry if you meant to be sarcastic.
First you label people as neo-cons because they honestly stated what they felt. No where did MB or I say that we called those people names or didnt give them a job because they were dressed differently. Then you say that you have learned that your first inclincation is usually correct. I agree with that, but isnt that a little like stereotyping itself? Basically, I dont have a problem with stereotyping. Stereotyping does not mean that you wont give someone a chance.
RickMonday | Apr 30, 2008 | Reply
I believe that people, regardless of appearance, warddrobe, or bus driver status, have good in them. But in today’s world, it’s all about how much activity can we fit into one day. We’re so busy, and so caught up in that rush, that sometimes we simply forget each other along the way. To me, that is what is sad. That’s not to say that there aren’t people doing good out there or going out of their way to help their fellow man. It’s also a tendency that we as humans have to notice the ‘bad’ things people do, rather than being grateful for the good. People don’t seem to want to connect anymore with those they don’t know. I was sitting at a local car dealership this morning waiting on my car to be worked on, and there must have been 10 people crammed in that little waiting area with me. ANd no one spoke to each other. I tried to strike up a friendly conversation with the couple next to me, and you might have thought I had just released the nastiest odor ever from my body. (I did have deodorant on and even showered). People are just afraid to put themselves out there anymore, and it’s a shame.
Brian | Apr 30, 2008 | Reply
Wow we owned something that was double-wide and no longer do–we are moving up now!
Tammy | May 1, 2008 | Reply
Rick, sarcasm was my intent. I am not labeling anyone as a neo-con nor am I saying that this is strictly how neo-conservatives act. I am just saying that is is the liberal leaning people out there that would be the first ones to have a problem (if any) with how Dan acted and felt in the beginning. That’s just the way I see it, being afraid of and suspicious of people who are not necessarily like you/me, etc.
Chaz | May 5, 2008 | Reply
Chaz,
thats what I thought, np. lol.
good God, I am typing in IM language. Yikes.
RickMonday | May 5, 2008 | Reply