I get paid for this?

Here’s a feature story I wrote on bad gifts. It turned out okay and there’s a great picture accompanying it. French author and father of science fiction, Jules Verne, even left a comment, from whatever dimension he’s currently residing.

And I’ve effectively killed any chance I had of winning best columnist with the publication of this.

I despise this!

Although it shouldn’t, it really infuriated me when the governor, in his recent exercise in public delusionment, asked us all to take a deep breathe and be patient, as if we’re all a bunch of naive children worked up over nothing and he’s the voice of reason trying to offer some calm, rational perspective. For all of his corruption, mismanagement, and phony populism, I think it’s his smug condescension and fake salt-of-the-earthiness that I despise the most. I recently saw a clip of his Daily Show appearance where he pretended that he didn’t know it’s a satirical news program. That alone is grounds for impeachment.

I, wait, what?

Experts have been warning that persistent exposure to the Internet can reduce your attention span to ADD-like levels. I think they may be correct.

Although I can still immerse myself in reading, I can’t seem to devote myself to watching an entire movie in one viewing. I’ve been sitting on a Netflix movie for about three weeks and I’m still only about 45 minutes into it. And the thing is, I really like it. It’s an independent joint called Great World of Sound. I’m dying to see the rest of it, I just can’t . . hey look, a kitten.

You wawk, Mawk!

Nothing is quite as adorable as listening to a child who can’t yet pronounce his ‘R’s sing Jingle Bell Rock. If for no other reason, that’s what makes Christmas great and worth the depletion of all discretionary income.

Dances with Chilblains

Yesterday, to quote Tom Waits, was "colder than a well digger’s ass." I’m not sure what that means but it was deathly cold out there. In the time it took me to go from the Meijer store to my car, get Victor safely inside and load the groceries, my jaw had frozen into a excruciating clench. An Arctic wind bellowed across the parking lot, at one point making off with my cart until a kind-hearted passer-by retrieved it. I’m sure I was mere seconds away from a nasty case of congelatio.

Coming soon!

The trivia has proven to be more popular than this random musing crap, so I’ll return with more, but  probably not until after the holidays. I’m working on one entitled: Who’s on Skins? It doesn’t involve Washington D.C.-based football organizations or great Shirt rivalries. That’s all I’m saying for now.

Cool Christmas Song

I heard a really cool Christmas song Saturday on WQNA. It’s not a holly, jolly Christmas song, but one of those boy-do-I-have-some-regrets-being-here-in-here-in-prison-and-all-type holiday songs. It’s by Paul Kelly and titled, How to Make Gravy. You should like it. Also, check out T-Bone Burnett’s rendition of God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, if you’re so inclined.