I know, I know, it was starting to get a little scary out there. But I talked to the authorities and they assured me that everything would return to normal soon. We’re not out of the woods yet, but if we hang tight we should get through this in one piece.

What? You don’t worship at the bottle of Sierra Nevada Pale Ale? Well then, I guess you’re ignorant of the calamity that almost befell our fair city.

First, let me say that I enjoy many beers. I’m not exclusive. Just this week some good friends gave me a twelve pack of assorted brews and I’ve been sampling them with great delight. But every beer lover has his/her favorite varietal, the go-to brew that always hits the spot. For me, that beer is SNPA. And (choking with emotion) I almost lost it forever.

It started a few weeks ago when Shop ‘n Save had SNPA on sale (good), but there was a "discontinued" notice on the sales sticker (not good). I noticed that they had started stocking New Belgium product and figured that they were swapping brands. Okay, I thought, a corporate decision, not a good one, but as long as Qik-n-EZ and County Market remain a nectar outlet, I’ll be fine.

Over the next couple of weeks, in the back of my mind I harbored sporadic dreadful thoughts that the local SNPA distributor was going to discontinue the line. But then I’d realize I was just being silly. Everything would be fine. Wouldn’t it?

And then, yesterday, all of my worst fears manifested themselves. I stopped by the Qik-n-EZ, no SNPA. I ran by County Market; the freezer was bare of the best beer known to man. What the hell is going on here?

My mind raced. I began penning the hate letter that I would have to send to someone, anyone. What would I have to bomb, who would I have to kidnap to ransom my beer back into the market!

Today, I turned to the only place I thought might be able to help – Friar Tuck.

I walked back to the cooler, and almost fainted with fright. Their in the Sierra Nevada section was a couple of sixes of Porter and some ESB, but no Pale Ale. Clearly they were clearing out the last remaining stock. My beer was being banished. God help us all.

Lost is a haze, I grabbed something from the cooler, I don’t remember what, and stumbled towards the checkout. I was sure that Armageddon was upon me, but I decided to make one last ditch attempt at survival. "Please, kind sir," I stammered to the store associate, "why has our Pale Ale been taken from us."

He smiled the smile of Jesus – kind, gentle and ethereally paternal.

"My son," he said, "your beer has not foresaken you. A corporate distributor buyout has left the Sierra Nevada brand in disinterested hands. The new distributor deals in liquor only, and is washing their hands of beer. But fear not, a new distributor will lift SNPA from the ashes and soon it will return and again bless us with its goodness."

I fell to the floor weeping. My tears confused the checkout guy, as did the kisses I placed upon his shoes. But I didn’t care. My beer, it would return. There’s call for all to rejoice.

And another thing….

My SJ-R column this week pokes fun at the game of golf. I thought it might raise some rancor, being that golf has been center stage in town all week, but I’ve heard nary a word of protest. It just goes to show that nobody reads my column. Except, Johann. Thanks Johann.