In today’s SJ-R article on 5-foot roses, the last name of a subject was concealed so that his girlfriend wouldn’t find out about his Valentine’s Day surprise. Unfortunately, this girlfriend wouldn’t have to be Jessica Fletcher to figure out that she’s the one about to be overwhelmed with gigantic flowers.

Somebody, not Kent, who knows how to surprise his mate with gigantic roses.

The gentleman in question is sourced as Kent, a medical equipment salesman. Right there we have whittled down the list of possible suspects a great deal. I would wager that there aren’t many Kents engaged in the medical equipment trade here in the area.

This particular Kent is 37 years old, which would mean he was born in 1971. That year, according to the Social Security Administration, the name Kent was the 235^th most popular, not exactly a ubiquitous Michael or James.

There are other clues as well, that further narrow the list of possible romantics:

• Kent is giving the flowers to  his girlfriend, which means he isn’t married (or is about to be in big trouble with his wife.)
• Kent has a girlfriend, which means he is heterosexual (or is about to be in big trouble with his boyfriend.)
• Kent uses the word “totally” as an adverb to indicate his girlfriend’s worthiness of receiving elephantine roses. Such verbal tendencies are big identifiers. In this instance, it indicates that Kent was a big fan of the hit sitcom, Friends.

So as you can see, the cat is out of the bag. If Kent’s girlfriend didn’t read the article, then surely one of her totally awesome friends did, and told her about it. She’ll likely break up with him over his careless inability to conceal his identity and deliver a thoughtful St. Valentine’s Day surprise. It’s sad, really.

And this has been another worthless blog post from BFS.