Technical difficulties prevented this from being posted yesterday.

Self Promotion

My column this month is on my undying need not to be on public display. It was inspired by a Heartland story, that ran last Friday, on two people who thrive in the spotlight.

Please Get Out of My Head!

Another columnist wrote recently on one of the unsung benefits of Google and the age of ready information. It’s during those times when you’re struggling to retrieve a piece of information that’s been catalogued in your brain, but you can’t seem to bring up.  So you go to Google, type in some clues and chances are the answer will appear within the first couple of results.

But do you remember what it was like before Google?

Trying to recall a fact, however trivial, could be torturous. Despite there being no pressing need for the information – it could be completely inconsequential – your mind would not let you rest until the answer to your internal query had been found. You’d rack your brain, then rack it some more.  Any attempt to shrug it off or distract yourself would be futile; you’d be forced to slam your book shut or turn the TV off and give your undivided attention to your fruitless pursuit. If you were lucky, you’re brain would bail you out and supply the answer. If not, you were left to anguish.

I remember once, twenty years or so ago, having a single snippet of melody stuck in my head. I was able to keep it at bay for most of the day, but that night, as I awaited sleep, it returned on a continuous loop and the only way to stop it was to discover its origin. I became so desperate that I turned on the clock radio and started scanning the dial, even though I knew the song was no longer in regular rotation. It was hell.  

In case you’re wondering, it turned out to be "Secret Lovers" by …well, why don’t you tell me who sang "Secret Lovers"? No Googling, please.**

Break Me Off a Piece of That Football Cream

In honor of the previous item, please enjoy Andy Bernard in his attempt to remember a candy bar jingle:

Glen Frey. Jive Turkey?

I wasn’t really a fan of the song "Secret Lovers" (by whom?), but back in the days before iPods we spent more time listening to the radio and whatever it had to offer. Which brings me back again to my favorite radio station.

In addition to playing great music you won’t hear anywhere else, WQNA also plays songs that you haven’t heard in years, maybe decades. I’m referring to those songs that recieved airplay in the 70s and 80s, but never made the jump to classic or oldies stations after they fell off the charts. For example, you still hear Naked Eye’s "Always Something There to Remind Me" fairly often on the radio, but when was the last time you heard "When the Lights Go Out"?

As a result, these forgotten oldies remain firmly in the time and place when we first heard them. And even if you didn’t like them then and don’t like them now, they are still mighty powerful at conjuring up some nostalgia.

Just this week I heard Glen Frey’s "Sexy Girl." I was immediately transported back to my freshman year in college. I can remember sitting in my dorm room, hearing it play on the Friday Night Six-Pack, and thinking, "What? Get yo ex-Eagle ass out my radio!"***

Best Two-Word Joke

Pretencious? Moi?

Sound/Texture Ten-Times Worse than Fingernails on a Chalkboard

Sandpaper. Can’t stand the stuff.

A MacArthur Foundation "Genius Grant", Perhaps?

How is it that once again I wasn’t nominated as our city’s First Citizen? Okay, maybe I’m not "Best Blogger", given the commercialization of that award (Der verdammte Smoot!), but clearly my work here has had a profound and positive impact on our community that is immeasurable in scope. Maybe that’s the problem, there’s simply no way to quantify how many lives I’ve bettered.

Na-na na-na na-na na-na,  Na-na na-na na-na na-na

This morning, in a totally unscripted moment, all four kids were in bed with me watching YouTube clips of the circa 1960s Batman television show. I believe "campy" is a word often used to describe that show. Perhaps it’s that campiness that’s allowed it to stand the test of time. I should rent the feature film starring West and Ward for the kids.

Whenever I think of a film from my past that the kids might like, my inner Jack Valenti takes over and I immediately give it a mental review for inappropriate material. For instance, a couple of weeks ago I made reference to "Top Secret", a movie that one local blogger called "criminally underrated." As I was replaying it in my head I thought, "you know, the kids might get a kick out of this." And then I got to the scene with the cow suit. Likewise, the automatic pilot scene in "Airplane."  That Abrahams and Zucker and their mildly suggestive sexual content.

Until Next Sunday

Well, that’s it for now. Probably way too much. Thanks to the Hoods for a great party last Saturday. Should I be sorry or not that I left with the kids before Russ karaoked Jimmy Buffet?

 *Performed by the Bangles. Music and lyrics by Christopher Tracey, better known as …?** and ****

**A BFS action figure for the first caller with the correct answer.

***I was struggling for an identity back then.

****For some reason I always thought Jules Shear wrote this. It turns out he wrote "If She Knew What She Wants."