Nothing to Hype

I’ve no published articles to promote this week. I’m so sorry for you.

Should the Driver Hang Up So the Driver Can Drive
A study by a few guys at the University of Utah – Salt Lake City, confirms what I’ve always expected:

“When driving conditions and time on task were controlled for, the impairments associated with using a cell phone while driving can be as profound as those associated with driving while drunk.”

I’m guilty of this sometimes myself, but being as not many people care to talk to me, I’m most often a careful and attentive driver.

Get a Mammogram, Man!*
I think I’ve covered this before, but I’d like to get the ladies’ opinions on the local Real Men Wear Pink campaign. You’ve seen the billboards and newspaper ads – notable males from throughout the community, resplendent in pink attire, are posed in a row while looking sternly at the camera. The message is to their lady friends, letting them know that breast cancer is serious business and they had better get themselves checked out. You got it!

Of course anything that increases awareness and gets women to seek the medical care they need is good. Yet the concept of the ad seems condescending to women.

I wonder what a similar ad promoting prostate exams would look like. On second thought, I don’t.

Get a Costume, Dude!
Halloween nears. Soon, young costumed trick-or-treaters will assemble on our porches with bags extended, their intent clear. Some, however, won’t be that young, nor will they be costumed. So how does one respond to a teenager, wearing an Albert Pujols jersey, who expects to be rewarded with candy for being immature enough to still go trick-or-treating?

Laziness Reigns When Racing for Spaces
On Tuesday last, I was stopped in a parking aisle at County Market (Fairhills edition) as the car in front of me slowly pulled into a spot. After I started to proceed again, this car abruptly stopped, reversed itself, and took off up the aisle, requiring me to quickly apply the brakes.

"What," I wondered, "did you leave your grocery list on the kitchen table?"

No, the driver spotted an open spot five spaces up and the chance to avoid walking an extra 20 yards was just to good for him to pass up. Did I mention that it was a mild and sunny day? Did I mention that the driver was young and seemed in good health?

I often decline taking the closest spots to the store under the presumption that I’m saving them for the elderly or the newly maternalled. More likely, I’m just leaving them open for jamokes like this to pounce on.

They’re Still Fighting the Big One
The remnants of war last a long time. Even after most of the survivors have passed on and adversaries have mended fences, the aftermath remains ingrained upon the warring factions’ cultures. And it can be more than a stain on a nation’s psyche, sometimes the killing recurs in real time.

I read an interesting article in Spiegel Online last week about a man who recently retired from his job defusing bombs that lay dormant in German tundra. The allies dropped an estimated 1.9 million tons of bombs during WWII, many of them delay-action bombs, some of which never detonated. Today, they’re commonly discovered during construction projects or by children playing in remote areas. Over time, the detonator apparatuses have grown fragile, but the TNT no less potent. It’s not common for someone to be killed by these leftover explosives, although the de-bomber’s retirement was hastened by the feeling that he had been pressing his luck.

Funniest Joke Name on the Flintstones
Stony Curtis

Funniest Thing About Obama?
Will an Obama presidency kill political satire, or just nueter it for awhile?

From what I’ve observed, our nation’s comedy writers can’t seem to bring themselves to skewer the dude. The writers of the Daily Show put together a piece for Entertainment Weekly that at first glance seemed to take equal shots at both candidates and their running mates, but that really wasn’t the case. Although they did poke fun at Biden, the Obama jabs were really making fun of some of the more ridiculous charges made against him by the ridiculous end of the right. Not that this can’t be funny, as demonstrated by this Onion piece:

Black Guy Asks Nation For Change

March 19, 2008 

CHICAGO—According to witnesses, a loud black man approached a crowd of some 4,000 strangers in downtown Chicago Tuesday and made repeated demands for change.

The entertainment industry certainly had no problem satirizing Clinton, but he made it easy for them. If Obama maintains his rarified aura and doesn’t betray his base, I fear for SNL’s ratings.

And is it safe to say that liberals are genuinely funnier than conservatives, or does it just seem that way? (clarification: I don’t mean that liberals are easier to make of, but that they are better at the writing and performing of comedy.)
 
A Disgraceful Absence of Hooliganism
Soccer season ended on Saturday. Victor had his first goal of the season negated on an offsides call by an official who was mostly ignoring offsides. A true futbol fan would have thrown a whiskey bottle at him. Thinking back, that really would have been the thing to do. Damn my casual attitude towards youth sports.

A-ha for the Literal-Minded
Singing "pipe wrench fight" to the tune of "Take on Me" is funnier than it might seem.

So Long, So What
Well, that’s it for another week, or two weeks, whenever I get around to this fruitless pursuit again. Although if we win the trivia night on Saturday, you can be sure I’ll be back directly to boast.

*A year’s supply of "Pass the Biscuits, BFS" flour to whomever can identify who said this immortal line.**

**What movie inspired this addition to the BFS line of fine products?***

***This question is for entertainment purposes only. No prizes will be awarded.